Hide Away
by ccanne
Summary: You tired to keep your secrets hidden away but the longer you were in the First Order the harder it became. Not everyone has a mask to hide under like Kylo Ren.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! I'm sorry for any mistakes. This is my first time writing a fan fiction. I don't own Star Wars. Fingers crossed, that someone likes this. ha

* * *

Everything was falling apart. The life you created for yourself was flashing before your eyes. You were so torn. So you did what you did best and you ran. It was your go to move when things got tough. If you hide yourself away , you wouldn't have to make a decision.

The planet was falling apart. The Resistance is now winning the battle. It would be easy to jump in a TIE fighter with all the other First Order members that were fleeing. No one would notice.

That is exactly what you did. You ran away from the snow covered trees and back into the base amid all the chaos. You tired to not pay attention to all of the yelling and the blaster fire. The last thing you wanted to do was to get caught in the fight again. The mission was to get on a ship and get the hell off of this decaying planet.

Lucky for you, there was a TIE fighter ready to go right by the entrance of the hanger. No doubt someone else had prepared it for them self but you didn't care. You jumped in the fighter and took off. As you were flying away from the base, you willed yourself to not think about the events that were going on below. You didn't want to think about everyone you were leaving behind but in the back of your mind you hoped they would be okay.

Once out of the planets orbit, you went into hyperdrive.

* * *

 **364 days ago**

 _I hate this! Such utter bullshit._ You thought to yourself.

When you joined the first order a few months ago, you thought you would get some badass job but this is the crap you ended up with. You were assigned to work in the kitchen. Being a mindless Storm Trooper, would be better than this. They should have at least given you a skills test because you are a terrible cook. One of these days you are going to mess up a higher ranking officers food and they will probably kill you because of it.

Overall it was a simple job. You had no idea why they didn't have droids doing the kitchen work. Perhaps, the First Order liked a personal touch to their crappy food. The head cook, Marge, avoided giving you anything tough to do. She found out pretty quickly that you were useless. The first day on the job she gave you the task of cutting vegetables. Of course, you were a klutz and had managed to cut your finger resulting in blood getting all over the dinner vegetables. After that, you basically washed the dishes and cleaned off the tables in the cafeteria.

One night, you were alone in the kitchen. You were cleaning up and were about to retire for the night, when a Storm Trooper walked in.

" Commander Ren, has requested a meal to be prepared for him." He said.

" Oh, well the kitchen is basically closed up. I can grab a cook for you if you would like" you responded.

"I don't think it would be best to keep the Commander waiting"

" Okay, I'll start working on something right away"

 _Well shit. Tonight is the night you are going to die. You can't cook and the most dangerous man in the First Order has basically requested for you to make him a meal. I'm sure he will slice me into little pieces with his lightsaber._

After having a mini panic attack, you decided to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was one of your favorite foods and you can't mess it up. So it was an obvious choice for you.

You walked out of the kitchen to give the Storm Trooper the tray of food but you couldn't find him. However, you did notice a note on the kitchen door stating what room the food needed to be taken to.

 _That little jerk! He ran out and left me to deliver the food. He probably didn't want to deal with Kylo Ren's wrath due to the dissatisfy food I prepared._

Your thoughts drifted from being encouraging to ones of how you were going to die. Your vote was on a force choke hold.

Before you knew it, you were in front of his door. The door opened before you had your hand up to knock. The slowly walked into his room , it was dark but there was small light at the table in front of you.

"What took you so long? I almost walked down to the kitchen myself to prepare a meal." You heard but you couldn't find where the mechanical voice was coming from. Kylo Ren slowly came out of the shadows and sat at the table in front of you.

"I'm sorry, Commander Ren. All of the cooks were gone and the kitchen was basically closed for the night"

" I don't want to hear your excuses. What did you bring me?" You sat down the tray of food on the table.

" What is this?!" He yells at you.

" It is a PB& J , Sir. Oh crap, I hope you aren't allergic to peanut butter. I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that"

" You are concerned about the peanut butter but I am more concerned with the fact that you thought it was okay to bring me a sandwich that a child would eat"

" I'm sorry. I can't cook very well. If I turned the stove on, you would have ended up with something burnt or the base would have caught fire. I thought this would be the safest option"

" Once again, I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses! Get out of my room ."

" If you would like, I can try and make something else for you."

" Just leave"

"Ok, I'll just take the sandwich and go."

"The sandwich stays but you can leave"

You hurried out the door before anything else could happen. You slowly made your way back to your room.

 _He didn't want me to toss the sandwich. So he must have liked it. Why throw a fit over it if he was going to eat it? He sure was dramatic over a damn sandwich_.

* * *

The next day you were locking up the kitchen when a Storm Trooper walked in with a note.

Kitchen Girl,

PB & J with the crust cut off.

-KR

 _Well this is about to get interesting._


	2. Chapter 2

It has been a month since you received the note from Kylo Ren. Since then, you have received a note from him requesting a sandwich at least two times a week. However, your encounters were not as eventful as the first time. The moment you put the tray down he would request that you leave which was a relief to you.

However your relief was short lived. You had just walked into Kylo's room when he yelled at you.

" Girl, why are you always thinking such ridiculous things?!"

" I'm sorry. What do you mean?" you responded. You knew that Kylo could read minds but you always had heard that you could feel it when was entering your mind but you felt nothing.

" You are always singing or you thinking of some trivial thing. I don't understand how you even manage to make it to my room without getting lost."

 _Ouch, that was a low blow but it wasn't exactly false. You did get lost on your way here today. You did take a couple of wrong turns._

" I was right, you did get lost. I'm not surprised since all you were thinking about was all the possible things you could do if you had an extra finger. "

 _Oh my, this was so embarrassing. Not only did he hear you admit that he was right but he heard your list of 10 things you could do with an extra finger. I wonder what else he has heard? Shit, he is probably hearing this entire convo in my head._

" Well if you did grow another finger, I would think it would be another thumb. " he said.

 _Don't laugh. Don't laugh. But holy shit, he is actually commenting on my crazy thoughts. It sounds even more ridiculous coming from that mask._

" Maybe if you had an extra thumb you would be able to cook better."

 _And he is back to his insulting self. I bet he only commented on the finger thing to be able to insult me._

" You are correct"

 _Oh dang, I forgot that he could hear everything. What a dick._

At that moment, Kylo walked towards you . You started to take a few steps back that resulted in you backing into a wall. He pounded his fist into the wall right next to your head. You flinch.

" I am your Commander. I would refrain from calling me such names"

" Well it is not my fault you can hear my thoughts. Maybe you should get out of my head if you don't want to hear what I am thinking" You were feeling brave. He had no right to listen in on your personal thoughts.

" If only it were that easy, you insufferable girl. Typically, I can block out every ones thoughts but for some reason you are on full blast. It makes me want to snap your neck just to make it stop." Your eyes went wide. Your heart felt like it was going to jump out of your chest.

 _Oh boy, so it wasn't the food that was going to get me killed. It was just my crazy thoughts instead. I always thought I was going to live a nice long life and die peaceful in my sleep or by getting attacked by a rabid animal. Random I know. But this is definitely, not how I saw myself dying._

" Oh just stop thinking for one second. I can't even think for myself. I don't understand why this is happening to me?!"

" I'm sorry. I don't mean for you to hear everything. Perhaps, you could give me topics that you would like to hear me think about to make it more manageable but please don't kill me. We can figure this out"

" I'm not going to kill you, girl. But I don't know if I can figure this out, this has never happened to me before."

" As much as I love you calling me girl. I do have a name you know."

" I don't care. I have no reason to know your name."

" Addison. My name is Addison."

" You don't look like an Addison. "

 _Well it was worth a shot._

" Get out of my sight, girl."

* * *

You were not surprised that Kylo Ren could hear your thoughts so easily. It did take you by surprise at first but the more you pondered it the more it made sense. You figured you were overcompensating with your thoughts to keep the truth hidden. You figured that if and when Kylo looked into your mind and if he found nonsense, he would not see you as a threat and he would not look any deeper than the surface.

However, you did not realize that you were broadcasting your thoughts so loudly. Your nerves must have gotten the best of you . You could try and quiet your thoughts but if you did so, he would become suspicious.

In a way this was a good thing, you annoyed him and he thought you were a complete idiot. But you had to be more careful now to not let the truth slip out.

Plus, you did the one thing you were not supposed to do. You were given explicit instructions to stay away from Kylo Ren. They were not going to be happy with you but its wasn't your fault that he liked PB & J so much.

* * *

You were awoken by a knock on the door. It was your day off so you decided napping the day away would be the best use of your time.

It was a Storm Trooper with another note.

Girl,

Mac & Cheese

-KR

 _Well at least he dropped the kitchen part but why can't he ask an actual cook to make him the Mac & Cheese. It's early enough that they would still be working. And better question…. if I bother him so much, why does he keep asking me to bring him food? Ugh, I guess I should go make the man child some food. Well crap, he probably heard that._


	3. Chapter 3

Your room had a small window that let you view the snowy surface of the planet. You didn't know how you got so lucky to have a window but you were thankful. You found peace in nature. You always had a strange sense of calm whenever it rained or snowed. You could watch it falling for hours while you let your mind relax. You loved how sometimes it looked like the snow was floating in the air or other times it was a blizzard outside. You would be memorized for hours over the simplest thing. You just wished you could go outside and look up into the sky but you were stuck in your room just sitting in the dark with a candle lit next you.

You were at peace until that damn pounding on your door happened. You moved away from your window to answer your door. You didn't get too many visitors unless it was the head cook or a Storm Trooper with a note. You hoped it was neither of those things. Perhaps it was someone who accidentally knocked on the wrong door.

Unfortunately, it was the worst possible option and one you didn't even consider but when you opened the door all you saw was his mask. Kylo roughly pushed open your door and welcomed himself into your room.

 _Well this can't be good._

" Snow. Why are you thinking about snow for the past hour? I can't take it anymore! If I hear another word about how graceful it looks falling to the ground, I will kill you."

"But I like snow."

" I know. I heard everything. I never knew anyone put that much thought into snow. But your thoughts on snow are the last thing I need to deal with today."

" Oh? You seem like you could relax. Maybe watching the snow fall will put you at ease. It helps me a lot."

" Are you lights broken?"

 _Way to just switch the subject. I guess he was done talking about snow._

" No, I just don't like to have the lights on. They are too bright and they hurt my eyes. Plus I just like to sit in the darkness. It comforts me."

Kylo looks at you like you are crazy. He sighs and moves towards your couch to sit down. Once he sits down, he turns and looks out the window.

" What are you doing?"

" Well in your words, I'm letting the snow put me at peace ."

" Don't you have a window in your room to look at the snow. Wouldn't you be more comfortable there?"

" No, you have a better view."

 _How do I get myself in these situations? This is the last thing that should be happening. I thought he would think I was on drugs if I told him that the snow and darkness comfort me but I guess he has no other plans than to entertain my craziness. Like why would the Commander want to spend time with someone like me? I'm plain, nothing special or at least thats what I want him to think. Apparently, that's what the Commander likes because he is sitting on my couch and it doesn't look like he is leaving any time soon._

" Girl, would you just sit down ? Its not like I'm going to kill you"

" Well considering you have made that threat a few times, I don't know if I believe you"

" You would already be dead if that were my intentions"

" What are your intentions?"

Kylo just shakes his head and looks out the window.

" Just sit down"

 _Not the answer I was looking for but I tried._

Kylo stayed for a few hours. They were pretty uneventful. You both just watched the snow fall and would make small talk here and there. He actually started to ask you questions about yourself but nothing too personal. You considered it a step up from him insulting you or giving you commands.

When he left you could tell he felt more relaxed , you weren't sure if him looking out at the snow helped or maybe he just needed to get away from his room and his duties for a while. That was probably it because who would think to look for him in a kitchen workers room.

You hoped he wouldn't be making these visits often. The more often he would stop by the higher chance he will catch you in your lie. That was not an option. If he found out the truth, he would kill you and all your preparations would be for nothing.

You were wrong again. Kylo Ren kept on surprising you. He almost stopped by your room everyday to just look out the window. You talked a little but mostly you sat in comfortable silence, which surprised you even more, that you were able to sit with a mass murder and be okay with it.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since you had seen or heard from Kylo. At first you thought, he finally had enough of your craziness but Marge told you that he was on a top secret mission.

At that comment everyone in the kitchen starting gossiping about what it could possibly be. A few people thought he was out finishing his training or he was looking for more recruits that could possibly be force sensitive. One girl even suggested, that he went on a killing spree to release his built up anger.

However, Poppy said something that caught your attention.

" I overheard General Hux and him talking. Apparently, he is out looking for the map to Luke Skywalker. "

Everyone laughed at the girl. They all thought it was ridiculous that there was an actual map to find the possible myth of Luke Skywalker.

While everyone was chatting, you slowly left the room because you had a transmission to make. You did not understand how a cook could over hear such an important conversation. At the same time you did not realize, that the First Order knew of the map to Skywalker. You had to let them know. This could drastically change your mission.

You rushed into your room in a hurry trying to find your data pad. All you could think about was the map. You were in your own little world that you didn't noticed Kylo sitting on your couch looking out the window at the snow.

" What are you doing?" He said scaring the shit out of you.

" Holy fucking shit. Why are you in my room and I thought you were gone?"

Kylo gets off of the couch and walks towards you. He is a few inches away from you when he says something that makes your heart stop.

" The map. You know something about it."

You let your guard slip. You figured you were safe without him on the ship and you were so concerned with sending out the transmission, you got sloppy. You quickly try to remember what you thought about in regards to the map. Thankfully, your mind didn't say too much but you are going to have to get yourself out of this mess.

" Did you stroke? Close your damn mouth or say something. Don't keep me waiting."

You realize you were just staring at him and not saying anything. Thinking on your toes you telling him a half truth to save your mission.

" I do. I used to have a part of the map or at least I was told I did. I was struggling to survive and I sold it off ."

" What planet? Do you remember who you sold it to?"

" Andelm IV. Yes, I remember but it might be hard to find him. He is known to jump from planet to planet. He is a crime lord and a bit of an ass but he always ends up coming back. You might be able to find him in a day or it could take weeks "

" I will prepare for this mission and I will be taking you with me."


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to everyone that reviewed and followed this story. It means a lot to me. Sorry, this one is so short. Don't hate me! I'll try and post a longer one tomorrow.

* * *

You waited an hour after Kylo left to send your transmission. At this point, you just wanted to abandon your mission and disappear. You didn't want to admit that you made a mistake and slipped up about the map. You also didn't want the lecture about how Kylo was dangerous and you needed to stay away from him . You contemplated for a moment about getting up and walking out the room and never looking back. There were definitely a few planets that you could make a new home but you knew you couldn't disappoint them after everything they have done for you. You debated on who to send the transmission.

You inputted the encrypted code so the First Order wouldn't be able to intercept the transmission. You wrote something simple and to the point.

 **We have a problem. They know about the map & Kylo knows I know something about it. I'm backed into a corner. He wants me to help. What should I do? **

You paced your room waiting for a response. You hoped Kylo wouldn't come to get you soon for your mission. You needed to figure out your plan before you went. As much as you didn't want to help the enemy gain a piece of the map, you knew it was only one piece. They still needed the rest of it and you were positive that the First Order didn't know how many pieces there were. Only a few people actually knew the full details about the map.

Your data pad started to beep. You opened it and read the message.

 **Help them with the map. We still need you to stay to complete the mission. Be careful.**

 _Oh man, I was really hoping they would tell me to peace out of here but I guess finding out about their secret weapon was important. But I haven't found out jack shit about it. It is kind of tough figuring it out when I'm stuck in a kitchen all day._

There was a knock on the door. You opened it to find a Storm Trooper with another note.

 _He better not want a damn sandwich right now. I'll spit in it if he does._

Mission debriefing in 10 minutes. The Storm Trooper will bring you.

-KR

 _Why couldn't the Storm Trooper just tell me that?_

* * *

The meeting only consisted of yourself, Kylo, and General Hux. You didn't listen to most of it. All they did was talk about strategy which you disagreed with completely. All they wanted to do was send troops in with Kylo and attack anything that moved until we found the map.

" I don't think that would be a very effective method" you said.

" Oh and what gives you the qualification to make that observation? From what I understand, you work in a kitchen. That is a very simple minded job that doesn't involve any strategy" General Hux response.

 _What an ass? Why is everyone on this damn ship always insulting me?_

" I would still like to give my opinion especially since I am the one who knows the person that has the map"

" Let her speak" Kylo says. This confused you. You thought for sure he would be the last person that would want to hear your opinion.

" Well first off, I think everyone should try a blend in. That means no masks even for Commander Ren. This way no one would realize that the First Order is looking for the map. If they did, that would scare people away. Especially, the one that has the map and that's the last thing you want."

" You do have a valid point. Just me and the girl will go. We will leave in the morning."

 _That didn't take too much convincing. Haha, take that Hux! My plan was better._


	5. Chapter 5

Sitting in the command shuttle, your nerves started to sink in. You were about to be alone with Kylo for an unknown amount of time. How were you going to survive that without one of you killing the other or what are the chances that you weren't going to let anything else slip?

You also realized that you were going to see his face for the first time. You didn't know what to expect. You were figuring him for an older man since he had so much power in the First Order. You wonder if he is nervous about showing his face. He has to be hiding something under there. You run though all the possible scenarios in your head. You decide on either a third eye or he is missing his nose.

* * *

Once you are in the planets orbit, Kylo and you get into a transport ship. It's nothing special but you can live in it for a little while.

" You know you can't call me girl down there. You have to call me Addison." You say.

" I'll try but I make no promises."

" What should I call you? If I call you Commander or Kylo, we would blow our cover."

" Ben"

" Thats a nice name. Why did you pick it ? "

" You ask too many questions"

When Kylo landed the ship, he disappeared in the back. You assumed he went to change.

You heard the sound of foot steps. They didn't sound like Kylo's typical heavy steps which means he changed out of that terrible outfit he wears. You turn around to get a good look at him.

 _Oh fuck, this makes things more difficult. He is young and attractive. I did not see that one coming!_

You instantly feel a blush rise in your cheeks and the feeling of desire hits you.

 _Nope, can't have that happening! Just because he is good looking doesn't change what an ass he is or the fact that he kills people for fun._

" I'm sorry to disappoint you but I do not have a third eye and my nose is completely intact. "

" Yeah, I can see that. So why the mask? Just want to intimidate people? And how does your hair look good after being stuck in that mask all day?"

" That is not any of your business "

" Oh come on, if we are going to be stuck with each other we are going to have to talk."

" I already told you that you ask too many questions ."

" Ugh, it's like talking to a wall."

" Fine, it's the brand of shampoo that I use that helps with the hair."

" What brand?"

" No, you already reached your limit for questions today. What is the name of this crime lord?"

" Why do you get to ask questions?"

" Because I'm in charge here. You should be happy that I don't punish you for your sassy attitude."

 _Did Kylo say the word sassy_? _Maybe he does have some personality?_

" His name is Harvey. Scruffy brown hair , green eyes, has a little tummy to him, and he is about 30 or so."

" Why are you looking at me like that?"

" Oh no reason, you just look like familiar to me."

" Well I can assure you that we have never met before. I think I would remember someone like you."

" What does that mean?"

" You don't want to know."

" Oh I do!"

" You ask too many questions. Did you ever hear that curiosity killed that cat?"

" Yeah Yeah, I know."

" Let's get moving. The sooner we start the less time we have to be together."


	6. Chapter 6

Andelm IV. You had lived on this planet for short amount of time. It was one of your favorite planets you had ever visited. It was lush and green. There were forest as far as the eye could see but you could also see multiple lakes in the distance. It was raining or storming for most of the year but there would be about a week or so of sunshine per month which was perfect for you. However you left shortly after you sold off the map. You didn't want to leave but you had other pieces of the map to disperse.

It wasn't easy deciding who to leave the map with. You needed to ensure that they would not give the map to the First Order or the Resistance. You had to find a neutral party. The map couldn't be discovered until the time was right. Apparently, there was going to be an awakening in the force.

There were five pieces of the map. You were only given 3 of the pieces to be responsible for. The other two were given to a Droid long before you had met Luke Skywalker. You had no idea where the other pieces ended up.

Harvey was the perfect person to give the map to. He hated the First Order with a passion since they tried to put strict regulations on his trading routes but he didn't like the Resistance because they were too good in his eyes. When he found out that you had a piece of the map, he didn't believe you but he was too intrigued by the idea to completely dismiss it.

* * *

" Girl, where are we going?"

" The closest town is about 5 miles away. Harvey is a known alcoholic. Our best bet is to go to the bar and start asking around. "

" Where did you last see him?"

" The next town over but he loves to makes his rounds. He has a different women in each town. It might take us a while to find him. He might not even be on this planet right now but he always comes back. He has it pretty good here . The ladies love him. "

"Oh, do you love him?"

" I never said I was a lady. Plus, it is just a saying . You need to learn to stop taking everything I say so seriously. Can't you just joke around a little or did that mask cut off so much oxygen to your brain that it killed off all the brain cells that know how to have fun?"

Kylo gave you a look. You had seen that look before. It was the look Han gives you when he was offended by something you said. You were very familiar with this look. But it doesn't make sense, Han doesn't have any kids. You would think this would have came up in conversation in the past 10 years. You brush it off and continue walking.

" I am going to act like you didn't say that because I can't afford to kill you right now."

" Thank you for my daily death threat. "

" You are such a smart ass."

" You aren't the first one to tell me that." Han told you that probably five times a day.

"So what is the plan? I think you should let me do all of the talking. I know these parts and I don't want you to do anything Kylo would do. Just be Ben. Are you okay with just standing aside and observing? Maybe, just watch my back in case I need help?" you ask.

" That is fine but if your plan doesn't work, you are sleeping out in the rain tonight."

" Was that an attempt at a joke?"

"Perhaps."

* * *

Stepping into the bar you were instantly hit with the smell of smoke and the sound of music. You knew this bar well. You had been to it often. It was an entertaining bar. There were all sorts of life forms and a fight always managed to break out. Whenever there was a fight, everyone in the bar would stop and place bets on who would win. There was even a record board with records like most fights won and fastest knock out that sat on top of the bar. This was the best place to find Harvey since it was his favorite bar on the planet.

You looked around but didn't see any signs of Harvey. You walked towards the bar to ask the bartender if she had seen him around lately. You realize she is still the same bartender from years ago.

" Hey Lydia, have you seen Harvey around?" The girl with pink hair turns around.

" Oh my gosh, Addi is that you?! You have been gone for years. Everyone is missing their favorite fighter."

" Fighter?" Kylo says behind you.

 _I thought I told you to stay by the door. Stop following me around like a lost puppy._ You yell at him in your mind.

" Yeah, she is pretty good. She defiantly took us by surprise. She even has a few records still on the board."

" Interesting, I never took her for a violent person."

"I'm not violent. Sometimes you have to be that way to survive. Enough about me, so have you seen Harvey?"

" Ummmm, I just saw him a few days ago. He isn't going anywhere fast either. He is a wanted man so he will probably stick around here for a while. Maybe check a few town over? Why are you looking for him? Does he owe you money? Because he is broke, he won't be giving that to you anytime soon."

" Nah, I just need a favor from him is all. Thanks for your help Lydia."


	7. Chapter 7

You were laying in your cot attempting to sleep. There wasn't much privacy on the ship so you tried to make a makeshift room. You managed to get a few blankets to sit just right to create your own little area.

" Why did you make a blanket fort? You know that can't keep me out?" Kylo said.

Ever since you came back from the bar, he kept asking you questions about the map. You tried your best to brush them off but he was like a child who had just learned to talk. He wouldn't shut up.

Honestly, he believed that you created this fort to get away from him which was partial true. The truth was you just didn't want to see him. Every time you looked at him, you could feel the pull of attraction and you were trying your best to not be attracted to him. You were trying to prevent it but it was hard with a face like that.

" I swear if you destroy my fort. I'll kick you in the balls."

" Then I'll kill you."

" Death threat number two of the day."

" So you can fight? If you are so talented, why are you working in the kitchens?"

 _Shit, I knew this was going to get brought up again._

" Yeah, I can. I wanted to get away from that life style so I decided on a simpler job."

" You wanted to get away from that life style and you joined the First Order? That doesn't make sense. "

 _Crap, he is right. Think Think Think…._

" I needed money fast and I had to get away from a few people. The First Order was the best option at the time."

" So you aren't loyal to the First Order?"

" I'm loyal as long as I get a paycheck. I don't really pick sides. I'm more like a neutral party. I don't agree with everything they do but I don't agree with everything the Resistance does either. If I could just hide out on a random planet, I would be happy."

" I supposed I'm okay with that. At least you are honest about how you feel. Most people would lie to my face because they are afraid of what I would do to them."

" I'm not afraid of you. I know you are all talk and no bite."

You heard Kylo get up from his cot and make his way over to you. He stepped into your fort. Thankfully, he didn't destroy it.

 _Oh shit, maybe I pushed him too far and he is going to make good on all of those threats._

" Kylo, what are you doing?" Kylo leaned down close to your arm and he bit you. He literally bit you.

" Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing?" Kylo looked up at you and smiled.

 _Oh what a beautiful smile he has. I don't think I have ever seen him smile before._

" You said I had no bite. I wanted to prove you wrong."

You were too shocked to say anything. All of a sudden, both you and Kylo were laughing at how ridiculous the situation had become.

" Maybe, that mask didn't kill off all of your fun brain cells." You said.

The moment felt normal. You didn't feel like you were on a mission for the First Order. You actually relaxed for the first time since you joined. It was refreshing.

Kylo didn't seem like the monster that everyone made him out to be. The longer you spent with him the more you saw past everyone's opinions. You didn't see a monster. You didn't know how you felt about him. You had begun to enjoy his company but at the same time, you had a hard time looking past everything he has done. You were in limbo land.

Kylo and you talked for hours. You didn't touch on anything personal again but you talked about your opinions on things. The topics ranged from favorite color to his opinion of General Hux which wasn't very good. In his words, he was a spineless pasty ginger suck up. You knew there had to be a few stories there.

Kylo eventually went back to his cot but he had to ask one more question.

" So how did you learn to fight?"

" That's a long story and we need to get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow."

" Well you could tell me the short version. Please…"

 _Man, he really wants to know._

"If I tell you , you will have to tell me your back story someday."

" Deal"

"Well I had a rough childhood. My mother abandoned me when I was four. I had to survive on my own. I lived on the streets just trying to get by. I learned a few moves on the streets but when I was about 14, a smuggler took me in. He had been in town on a run when he found me. I was being beaten by a local thug since I stole from him. I deserved it but the smuggler stopped him and gave me a job. He taught me a majority of what I know now. He became a father figure to me. About five years ago, we went our separate ways. I started doing my own jobs but we have remained close. Happy?"

You gave him the short story and left out all the details about the Resistance and Luke. You didn't want to die tonight. You hoped he didn't ask any more questions.

" Yes. Good night, Addison."

" Hey! You called me Addison."

" Don't get your hopes up. It won't happen often, girl."


	8. Chapter 8

Kylo's POV

You had caught him off guard. He could hear your thoughts before he even met you but ever since you brought him that PB & J sandwich, he really couldn't get you out of his head. At first, you annoyed him but the longer you were around you started to intrigue him. He wasn't exactly sure when his interested in you turned into something more. He suspected that it had always been there but he was in denial. Heck, he still was in denial.

He found himself lying awake at night just thinking about the way your face light up when you insulted him. Or what song , you'll be singing in your head in the morning.

He was staring at the ceiling of the ship while you slept soundly next to him. When he went into your fort, his plan was to kiss you but he decided against it. He thought you deserved better than him and he doubted you would even have feelings towards him. Plus, he couldn't have you as a distraction. If Snoke found out about any of his feelings towards you, it would put you in danger and that the last thing he wanted to do. He made a promise to himself to not let your relationship get any further.

* * *

Your POV

Kylo and you had been on the planet for a week with no such luck. You were hoping Kylo would get fed up and decide to give up. That was the best option since the First Order wouldn't get their hands on a piece of the map.

You were about to leave another bar when someone slapped you on the butt.

" Hey hot stuff, how much do I have to pay to have a night with you?" a man said. You saw Kylo jump up from his seat.

 _Calm down, I can manage this._ You tell him in your head.

" You can't afford me."

" I only need to afford ten minutes to get my fix."

"I'm not a prostitute." You start to walk away when he grabs your wrist.

" Oh come on, you stuck up tease. Do you think you are too good for me or something?" He wouldn't let go of your wrist. You didn't want to get violent but you had no choice.

You grabbed the man's wrist and twisted his arm behind his back. Your chest was pressed up into his back.

" This is closest you will ever get to me, asshole."

His two friends got up and started to make their way towards you. They pulled out their blasters and started shooting at you. You take the man's blaster and return fire. You didn't want to kill them but you had to do something to get out of there. Kylo starts to move towards you again.

 _I told you I got this. I have been in worse positions before._ You tell him in your head.

Kylo knocks them out with the force and pulls you out the door.

" Hey, I said I had it. Plus, people are going to suspicious now since you just made them pass out with nothing. I don't need a knight in shining armor to come save the day."

" I know. I just got bored of watching you fight them. I wanted to move onto the next town."

" Oh sure, you just wanted to one up me!"

" No, I knew you didn't want to hurt those men. I was doing you a favor."

" That was nice of you. "

" I have my moments and I'll never be your knight in shining armor. I'm a knight of ren."

* * *

When you made it back to the ship, you decided that you were done for the day but you didn't want to be stuck in the ship with Kylo. You needed to get away from him. You were struggling. Every time you saw him, you wanted to kiss him and punch him at the same time. You were so conflicted. It helped when you were away from him. His presence had become almost intoxicating to you. You couldn't think straight.

You decided to go for a walk. You knew there was a small lake nearby. You thought you could go for a swim.

Once you made it to the lake, you stripped out your clothes. You just left on your underwear. The lake was beautiful. There was even a small waterfall that ran into it.

You were floating on your back when you heard a splash. You stood up since you were in water that was about chest deep and looked around. Kylo's head popped out of the water and he swam towards you.

" What are you doing here? "

" I saw that you were gone and I went looking for you."

" I told you I was going for a walk. Don't you know anything about boundaries?"

" I didn't hear you say that."

"Yes, you did! I look right at you and said it."

" Well, I'm not always listening to you. Most of the time, you are talking nonsense."

" So you were ignoring me. What if it was something important?"

" Oh what would have been so important?"

" I could have been dying."

" That is the dumbest reason I have ever heard."

" Oh I forgot that you didn't care about me."

" I didn't say that."

At this point, you and Kylo are close. Just inches away from each other. Both fuming over another pointless argument. Instead of saying anything, you both look into each other eyes in a staring contest.

Then it happens. Kylo leans down and brushes his lips against yours. At first, you don't respond but then you wrapped your arms around his neck returning his kiss.

You felt your body burst into flames. You felt all your nerves start to hum with attraction. Kylo starts to kiss you down your neck, slightly biting as he makes his way down. You let your hands roam his body. Your hands slip over his abs and you could feel yourself get more turned on.

Wasting no time, Kylo takes off your underwear when you realize that his hard member is pressing into your lower stomach. You feel your insides turn with excitement.

You wrap your legs around his waist while he pins you against the rock structure by the waterfall.

When you are in position, he slams his dick inside of you. You moan his name.

" You are so tight." He says.

" Shut up and go faster."

He pumps in and out of you at a rapid pace . His eyes never left yours. The moment was so intense and intimate you couldn't handle it for much longer. You felt your climax start to build. You orgasm, letting yourself go while trying to keep your wall up so you didn't let any thoughts get by. Kylo grunts and says your name, cumming shortly after you.

Kylo lets your legs down . You shake your head out of the fog that its in.

 _Oh god, this isn't good. What do I do? Fuckkkkkkk._

You start to walk away from Kylo.

" Where are you going?"

" That shouldn't have happened. Nope, it didn't happen. We are going to act like you never stepped into this lake. Got it?"

" You are right. That was foolish. It won't happen again."

" Good."


	9. Chapter 9

Awkward was the only word you could use to describe the past few days. You couldn't wait to find Harvey and get off this damn ship. Even if it meant handing over a piece of the map.

Kylo and you avoided each other at all cost. You regretted having sex with him. You waited until he was asleep to let your thoughts run free. You were so disappointed in yourself. You were supposed to stay away from Kylo since he was on the dark side. Luke warned you about this. He told you that you would be tempted by it. You had been so close to him and almost lost the wall you put up. What would Kylo do if he knew the truth? What would he do if he knew I was a Jedi? You were sure he could sense that you were force sensitive but the story that you created was a good one.

After Han took you in, you met Luke a few years later at the age of 16. Han didn't expect to run into Luke since he had apparently been missing for a while. Han and you were on Naboo in the lake country enjoying a well deserved break when Luke appeared. Luke said that he could feel that the force was strong in me. So he decided to find me. He told me he lost everything and the force told him that you needed to be trained. He said that you could help him bring balance back in the universe.

Han told you not to go. He told Luke that he already took too much from him and that you were going to stay with him but you had other plans. You were hesitant but the thought of possibly being a Jedi excited you. You could sense how desperate Luke was. You had always felt like you were different than other kids but you never knew why and now you had your answer.

You left with Luke the next day. Luke trained you for the next five years while you both searched for the first Jedi Temple. If you found details about it, Luke never let you know them. You always had a feeling that you wouldn't be going to the temple with him.

One day, Luke woke you up and told you that you were going to split up. He said there was an awakening on the horizon and we needed to prepare. Luke gave you three pieces of a map and helped train your thoughts. He helped you put up a metal wall so no one could see you inner most thoughts. He showed you how to project certain thoughts while keeping your secrets hidden.

Luke told you he found the temple and that you should not come looking for him. He wanted you to disperse the pieces of the map carefully since they couldn't be found until the right moment.

Luke's parting words to you were " You will cross paths with Kylo Ren one day. You must stay far away from him. Don't let him seduce you to the dark side. Stay strong in the light. Be careful young one."

You had let Luke down. You were falling for the enemy. As much as you tried to not think about those moments in the lake, it kept you up at night. You kept replaying it over and over again. You could hear him moan your name. You remembered how good it felt to have him inside of you. But you couldn't have him, you both had chosen your sides.

* * *

You woke up earlier than Kylo did. You decided to leave without him. You thought about leaving a note but you figured he would figure it out.

You walked into the bar. You figured that you might be able to catch some people that were left over from the night before. Harvey had been known to stay overnight and just continue drinking into the next day. You sat down in a booth and waited.

An hour past and that is when you saw him walk in, there was Harvey looking like he was nursing a bad hangover. Once he sat down at the bar, you join him in the seat next to him.

" You look like shit Harvey. Still trying to drink yourself to death?" you say.

" Addison, why are you back here? Didn't Marcus' gang run you out of here?"

"Yeah, I'm not too concerned about them. I'm actually looking for you. You see I need that map back. I told you to keep it safe for me. "

"About that." Harvey gets out of his chair and starts to make a break for it. Too bad you are much quicker than him. You tackle Harvey to the ground. You sit on top on him while asking him more questions.

" What did you do with it?"

" Don't worry its safe."

" Where is it?"

"ummmmm" This was going nowhere. You didn't want to use any Jedi mind tricks on him in case Kylo could sense it but if he is still asleep maybe he wouldn't notice it.

" Come on Harvey."

" I don't have it."

" Don't lie to me." You start to pat him down trying to find the map. You easily find it in his pocket.

" That was a terrible hiding spot, Harvey. What were you thinking?"

" I heard someone was looking for me. So I decided to keep it close. " You punch him in the face to knock him out.

" Harvey, you are a moron."

* * *

When you return to the ship, you find Kylo still sleeping. You tap him on the forehead to wake him up.

" Wake up sleepy head."

" Ugh, leave me be."

" Its not like you need your beauty sleep since you wear a mask all the time."

Kylo glares at you and starts to get up.

" Why are you walking me up?" You toss the map in his lap.

" You're welcome"

" What is it?"

" Well I found this really cool stone while out for my morning walk. I thought you would like it."

" So you are giving me a gift?"

" Oh my gosh, you are dense. It's the map! I decided to go look for it myself since I'm sick of being on this damn ship with you. I got lucky and Harvey walked into the bar this morning."

" I can't believe it. This is it?" He picks it up and examines it.

" Yep, or at least that's what I was told."

" We need to get back to the base at once."

" Perfect, that is the best thing that you have ever said to me."

" I bet you'll miss me once we get back."

" Nope, I hate you."


	10. Chapter 10

Once Kylo landed the ship back at the base, he left without saying a word to you. You didn't see or hear from him in the weeks that followed either. It was like he was trying to forget your existence which you were perfectly happy with. Your attraction to him grew stronger every day. You didn't know if you would be able to control yourself around him.

You wondered what the map looked like. Luke never told you exactly what the pieces contained or how they worked. You had no clue if Luke put a lock on them or not. You figured Kylo must have figured out how to work the map since he didn't come looking for your help.

There was a knock on your door. You open it to find a Storm Trooper.

" Miss, General Hux has requested your presence." You follow the Storm Trooper to the main command center.

" Ah Addison, it is so great to see you." Hux says.

" I doubt that. You don't like me. Why am I here?" You look around trying to see if Kylo is in the room.

" Straight to the point. I like that. You see Kylo Ren has been having trouble with accessing the map you brought back. I told him to ask for your assistance but he is being stubborn and refuses to ask you. It has almost been a month since you have been back and no such luck. So I decided to ask you myself if you knew anything about the map. Do you know how to open it ?"

" I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sir. I have no idea. "

" So you never tried to open it?"

" That correct. Can I see it ?" Hux hands you the map. You knew Luke wouldn't make it easy to access it but you didn't know what he did.

" Do you have a projector?" you ask.

" If it were that simple, I would think we would have figured it out by now. That is the first thing Kylo Ren did when he got back."

" Well I want to try it." Hux takes you over to the projector. You put the map into the projector and wait. It beeps for a few seconds.

Right before your eyes, you see it. Part of the map is displayed right in front of you.

" How did you do that?" Hux says.

"Beginners luck?" However, you figured it out. Luke was smart but he probably didn't figure you would be helping the First Order. He encrypted some sort of sensor that could feel the light side of the force. That was the trick to opening the map. Kylo couldn't open it since he was on the dark side.

"Impossible. How could someone like you open the map?" Kylo said. You were surprised that you did not hear him come in.

"I guess I just have the right touch for it."

 _Crap, I hope he didn't read too much into that._

Even with his mask on, you could still feel yourself being turned on. All you wanted to do was rip his clothes off and fuck him right here. You didn't care if Hux was watching. All you wanted was Kylo. You knew Kylo could probably sense your feelings. You tried to put them behind the wall but they were so strong it was hard to keep them locked away.

Kylo stares at you for a moment then walks to the map.

"This map doesn't make sense. It is not a complete." Kylo says.

" How many more pieces do you think there are ?" Hux asks.

" Girl, what more do you know?"

" Not much more, Commander Ren."

" Don't lie to me. I'll take what I want if I have to."

" Well what do you want , Commander?" you give him a seductive smirk.

" Don't play games, girl."

You decide to give them more information on the map. You didn't want Kylo to look into your mind. If he did, there was only so much you would be able to block out. It would be much more dangerous if he saw into your mind than him obtaining another piece of the map.

" Fine, I don't know how many pieces there are but I did have another piece of it. "

" Where is it?"

" It's on Naboo."

" We will have to leave next week to get the map."

" Why can't we leave tomorrow?"

" That is none of your business , girl."

* * *

A few days later, you found yourself wondering the halls of the StarKiller base. You felt so uneasy that you couldn't stay in your room any longer. You had been walking around for hours when you stumbled upon a Storm Trooper.

" Commander Ren has requested that you come to his room."

 _This can't be good. What would he want from me?Just try and keep your hormones in check._

You softly knock on his door hoping that maybe he wouldn't hear it. He opens the door and lets you in. He is still wearing that terrible mask when he starts talking.

" It been bothering me. How did a girl like you come to have two pieces of the map?"

 _Crap, think think. I need to make this believable._

" I stole them. I overheard someone talking about the pieces of the map. I knew that they would go for a pretty penny. I was desperate. I needed to disappear and fast. I had Greck's gang after me. I owed them a lot of money and I took out one of his top guys. He wasn't very happy with me. So I took them from the man that had them. It wasn't easy. I snuck on his ship when he was having a few drinks at the bar. I couldn't find them and he came back . He left the planet with me still on the ship. I ended up finding them in his bag that he was carrying. I took them out of his bag when he was sleeping."

" Who had the pieces of the map?"

" It was so long ago. I don't really remember."

" Think harder."

" Ummmm, Han ? Han Solo? Yeah, that sounds about right."

Kylo turns around and screams. He talks out his light saber and starts to destroy the wall next to you. You don't move. You didn't know what to do. He was throwing a temper tantrum. You just hoped he didn't take it out on you. You wondered why Han's name would make him so mad. If you knew this would have been the result, you would have used a different name but Han's name was the only one you could think of since you knew him so well.

Kylo takes his mask of his face. His eyes are dark. He pins you against the wall.

" Never say that name again." He yells at you.

"Sorry, I won't." you knew not to stay a smart ass remark or question him since the look of his face was absolutely terrifying. He looked wild and ready to kill.

"I'll just leave. I didn't mean to upset you." You say.

" You aren't going anywhere. I'm not done with you yet." You feel your insides turn. You could feel your desire start to build.

" Okay, what else do you need to talk about?" He was so close to your face. If you moved an inch forward, your lips would be touching. You refrain yourself. You already made one mistake. You couldn't make another.

"I don't understand how you are doing this?"

" Doing what?"

" You make me sick with desire. I can't focus on my training or work. All I can think about is you, a kitchen worker and a thief. I don't want to feel like this but ever since that moment in the lake. I can hear you moaning . I can feel your skin. It still feels so real to me even tho it happen weeks ago. Its driving me crazy."

 _So he feels the same way I do. So I'm not crazy. This is a mutual feeling._

"I almost lost it in the command center earlier today. I almost ripped off your clothes and took you right there on the control panels."

" Oh fuck it." You say. You slam your lips against his. He responded roughly pulling your hair out of its hair tie. It felt so wrong but it never felt so right.

Kylo wastes no time. He starts to remove your clothes. He kisses you down your neck leaving hickeys along his way. You were sure this was his way of showing everyone that you were taken.

You wrap your legs around his waist. He makes his way over to the bed and throws you on it.

" Get on your arms and knees." He commands. You do as he says. You knew if you disobeyed he wouldn't be happy. He was in a mood that shouldn't be messed with.

You hear his pant fall to the ground. You feel the head of his dick feeling around for your entrance.

" You are already so wet for me." He hisses while he slowly slides his dick inside of you.

" Kylo" you moan. He picks up his pace while he slaps your ass.

" You feel so good."

" Keep going, don't stop."

There was a knock on the door. Talk about bad timing.

" Keep quiet. This feels too good to stop." You both quicken the pace and shortly find your releases.

"I'm sorry to cut that short but we will have to finish this another time." He tells you.

" Another time? This can't keep happening." You tell him.

" Don't deny it. I know you want me as much as I want you. See yourself out."

He was already dressed and answered the door to find General Hux.

" Commander Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke requests your presence. "


	11. Chapter 11

Kylo left in a hurry. You look around the room debating on if you wanted to snoop. You might be able to find out valuable information about your mission but you had a feeling, Kylo wouldn't have that much info in his room. The weapon seemed more like General Hux's project. You get up and walk around his room. You figured that you had sometime before Kylo was back from seeing Snoke but you couldn't be sure. You had no idea what they meet about.

 _Perhaps they were talking about me? Maybe Snoke could feel my presence but I had been so careful._

You walk into the room next to Kylo's main room. It looks like his office. You could feel the dark side of the force radiating in the room. You notice another mask sitting in the middle of the room. You walk closer . You could feel the pull of darkness towards it. You figured it was one of Kylo's masks but something felt different. You look down and notice the mask was melted and different than Kylo's mask. You had a strong urge to touch it but decide against it. The mask was giving you bad vibe.

You back away from the mask looking around the room. You notice blue prints on a desk. You glance them over and notice the plans look like another Deathstar. You flip through them quickly. You couldn't believe Kylo would trust you to stay in his room with this valuable info. You could tell that the StarKiller base was supposed to destroy planets but it was not fully operational. You try and find the estimate timeline but no such luck.

You hurried up and left his room. You had a transmission to make back to the Resistance.

* * *

Pulling out your data pad, you typed in your message to General Organa.

 **Found out what the StarKiller Base is for. They will be using it to destroy planets. I will be able to explain more in person. Can I come back now? – A**

You didn't have to wait long for a message back.

 **No, we need you to stay longer. You need to find out the timeline of the project and how to destroy it. – L**

 _Damn, I was hoping they would let me come back. That way I could get as far away from Kylo as possible._

You were confused by your own feelings. But you were even more confused by Kylo's. He openly admitted how he felt. He wasn't happy about it but it seems like he wants to continue this fucked up mess.

There was a knock on your door.

 _That is never a good sign._

You open it to find Kylo standing there with a tray filled with food.

" Can I come in?" To shocked at the situation ,you let him come in.

" I brought some dinner. I heard your thoughts about how hungry you were but you were to lazy to get anything."

 _Oh my gosh, that is adorable. No, its not. He probably wants something out of you._

" I figured pasta was a safe bet."

"Thanks, you didn't have to do that."

You both sit down and eat your dinner quietly. You started to feel brave and decided to ask about what Snoke wanted.

" So what did the Supreme Leader Snoke want?"

"He just wants to move forward on some of my training. He feels like I have been too easily distracted. " You were surprised he was telling you this.

" Am I the distraction?"

" Yes but he doesn't know that and he doesn't have to know."

" Well if I am cutting into your training, maybe we shouldn't continue with this?" you were hoping he would take the bait. This could be your easy way out. You could keep denying Kylo but if he kept pursuing you, it would be hard to say no to him. Especially if kept doing cute things like bring you dinner. How could someone so evil but so kind to you?

" I know. I have put a lot of thought into this. I want to just walk away from you but I keep getting drawn back in. Its like a never ending battle but I do suppose you are right. Plus, if the Supreme Leader found out about this, he would have you killed. That's the last thing I want."

"Yeah, I like being alive. So now what?"

"Lets just focus on being friends and try not to jump each other whenever we have a moment alone."

" I can do that"

The rest of the night, Kylo and you sat on the couch just talking and becoming friends. It was three in the morning when Kylo left. You didn't see him for the rest of the week. You assumed he was training with Snoke.

* * *

You arrived at the ship the morning you were taking off for Naboo. You knew you would have an easy time retrieving the map but you didn't want Kylo to know that. You loved Naboo and you wanted to stay at least a few days in the lake country. You had left a piece of the map with a dear friend of yours. However, she probably wouldn't remember you since you told her to forget about you when you left her with the piece of the map. She had a small cottage right on the lake. You knew exactly where she stored the map because you were the one who told her to put it there.

" So what the plan?" Kylo said interrupting your thoughts.

" Well I left it with a friend of mine who suffers with terrible amnesia. . I always thought I would go back for it when I was in desperate need of money but it never happened. She has a brother who always had a thing for me. I figured I would flirt with him a little and I would be able to get into their cottage and grab it. I don't need much from you actually. "

"I don't like the flirting part. Can't we just use the force?"

" Oh hush, I can flirt with whoever I want. We are just friends."

"Well I am friend that doesn't like you flirting."

" Its not like I am going to have sex with him. There might a little kissing or some heavy petting" You were just fucking with him at this point.

" Heavy petting? No, that is not allowed." He yells.

"Just calm down, I think light petting will do the trick."

"I'll kill him if he touches you."

" Wow, someone gets jealous fast. You don't own me. I can do whatever I please. "

" You are making this whole being just friends difficult for me."

"I'm sorry but it's the truth."

" Ugh, I want you to be mine and only mine but I can't get too close to you."

" I know but what can we do? You have chosen your path. You can't have me and the dark side"

 _And I can't have you and the light side._


	12. Chapter 12

"Why are we here?" Kylo asks.

You were standing in front of a run down cottage right next the cottage that contained the map.

" I rented it. I thought we could stay in an actual house than a ship. Plus, you didn't like the idea of me getting cozy with my friend's brother. So I had no other option."

Truth was you owned the cottage. You hadn't been back in years since you started helping the resistance but you figured if you were going to be here, you might as well use it.

" Why did you rent such a piece of crap?"

" Hey, be nice. I couldn't do much on such short notice "

" Why do we have to even have to stay? I thought this was supposed to be easy"

"Well I figured we could relax for a few days in the lake country."

" I don't have time to relax."

"It'll be fun! You will get to spend all day with me."

" I'm trying to stay away from you. How is locking yourselves together going to help?"

"Just pretend I'm ugly. I'm sure that'll keep your hormones at bay."

" You are impossible."

" Enough talking, I'm going next door to work my magic" you wink a Kylo.

" I'm going with you to make sure there is no heavy petting."

" Oh get over it."

Kylo and you walk next door. Right before you walk up to the door, Kylo puts his hand in yours.

" What are you doing?"

"I'm holding your hand."

" Oh my gosh, I never told you to hold my hand. We aren't together so don't do that. "

" Well I don't want him to get the wrong idea."

" Drop my hand now."

Kylo drops your hand and you knock on the door.

A man around your age answers the door.

" Addison, is that you? It's been forever. I have missed you!"

" Hey Marcus, I'm in town for a few days and I thought I would stop by and hang out."

Marcus leans forward and hugs you.

" And who is with you Addison? Is it your boyfriend? I thought maybe you had come back to rekindle our relationship."

" Oh no, that's my brother. Definitely not my boyfriend. That would be gross." You could feel Kylo fuming next to you. That what he gets for trying to claim you.

" Oh good, so I still have a shot."

"Perhaps. How is Libby doing ?"

" She has some days better than others. I don't think she will remember you."

You had always felt bad about Libby. You wiped Libby's mind of any evidence of you when you gave her the map but you weren't aware of her condition. She was in a accident that caused her long term memory to be impacted but when you did your Jedi mind trick, it did a number of her. The combination of that with the trauma to her head was too much for her to take and her memory was basically next to nothing. Some days she could remember things that happened a few hours ago or she could remember things from a few days ago. That why you never came back. You couldn't face her and deal with the guilt.

"Oh that's alright. I understand."

" You should come over for dinner tomorrow. We would love to have you."

" Yeah, that sounds like a plan."

* * *

Once you were back at your cottage, you start to clean up to make the place livable again.

" Marcus is going to think it's odd when your brother kisses you."

"Well my brother isn't going to kiss me. He is going to be a good boy and listen to me."

" I don't like him. "

" You don't even know him."

" Well I didn't like the way he was looking at you. "

" Oh just deal with it. I'm sure you have girls in your past that look at you like that."

" No."

" Lair! I'm going to bed. "

You make your way into your room and Kylo follows you.

" I don't think so mister. Your room is across the hall."

" But I want to stay with you."

"Why? You aren't getting anything"

" I know but I'm not tired."

"And that's my problem? You are acting like a child. What happened to the badass Kylo Ren?"

" If you would like, I can switch back but this is the real me. I don't have to so serious all the time."

"Okay, fine. You can join me in my room until you get sleepy. Just don't go back to being that jerk."

You lay down in your bed and Kylo lays down next to you. He pulls you into him to cuddle. Your head is on his chest while his arm is around you. You wanted to pull away put it felt too good. It felt like you belonged in his arms.

" So what do you want to talk about?" He says.

" Well we do have a deal. You are supposed to tell me your back story." You feel his body stiffen. You think you may have pushed him too far but he shouldn't have made the deal if he wasn't going to hold up his end of the bargain.

"I don't think you want to know about that."

" Well if we are going to be friends, I would like to know. I mean I know its not going to be all sunshine and rainbows, you work for the First Order."

" I was hoping you would forget about that deal."

" I don't forget much. I have a really good memory."

" Good to know. Well I'll give you the short version. I try not to think about my past since it ties me to the light side. My mother is Leia Organa. She is a General for the resistance. Her father was Darth Vader. My mother and father tried to keep me from going to the dark side. They were afraid I was too much like my grandfather. So when I was about ten, they sent me to train with my Uncle Luke to be a Jedi. That's when Supreme Leader Snoke started talking to me. He convinced me that the dark side was the place for me and my power would be stronger. When I was 15, I lead an attack with the other Knights of Ren against my Uncle Luke and killed all of his padawans. After that point, I have been training to finish what my grandfather started but I still feel the pull to the light side. "

" Who was your father?"

"Han Solo." Kylo basically spits the name out like it was spoiled food.

"Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it. " You try and keep your cool. You did not know any of this story. You had no clue that Han was a father. You did think that Kylo looked like him but you just thought it was by coincidence. You knew that something traumatic happened to Luke but you never knew the exactly story. You didn't know how to process this information and you didn't want Kylo to notice the change in your mood.

" Do you think you will ever go back to the light side?" You asked.

"I'm not sure. Before I met you, I knew my path."

" And after you met me?"

" I'm not sure anymore. My path isn't clear. I can feel the light side even more now. That is why I can't have a relationship with you. You have made everything more complicated."

" Well then why do you even talk to me?"

"Because you make me feel more alive than I have ever felt."

" We could run away. Leave the First Order behind."

" I wish it was that easy but they would find me."

" Why can't life be easy?"

You were being torn apart inside. You felt so angry at Kylo for what he did to your loved ones but then he made your heart melt. You start to think maybe you could bring him back to the light side but that would be a lot of work. Plus, it would blow your cover and you didn't know if Kylo cared that much about you to forgive you for being a spy.


	13. Chapter 13

You and Kylo showed up at Marcus' cottage an hour before dinner. The house looked exactly like you remembered. You saw Libby sitting on the couch just looking out the window. You said hi but she didn't pay much attention to you. Marcus told you she was having a bad day.

" So Addison are you still getting into trouble?"

"Nah, I decided to calm down a little. I actually haven't been up to much."

"So there is no guys in your life?"

"Nope, I'm still single. You know I don't do relationships well."

"Oh I know, I tried so hard to get you to settle down but you always were running off."

"Well, it'll take someone special to make me settle down."

" He will be a lucky guy."

The conversation flowed easily. Kylo didn't say much. You told Kylo that he would have to distract Marcus while you grabbed the map. After dinner, you excused yourself to use the bathroom.

You walked past the bathroom and went into the spare room. The map was behind a loose brink next to the window. It remained untouched. It was like you never left it behind all those years ago. You had made this so simple for the First Order to get their hands on the two pieces of the map. You were glad Luke didn't give you all five pieces of the map. You made a promise that this was the last piece that you would give the First Order. If Kylo questioned you again, you would leave your mission and disappear.

You walked back to the kitchen to find a passed out Marcus.

"What the hell? What did you do?!"

" I punched him."

"What in the world made you do that?"

"He was thinking inappropriate thoughts about you."

"Well you didn't have to defend my honor. Ugh, let's go. We have what we need."

" You already got it?"

"Yeah, now lets go."

"The Supreme Leader will be very pleased."

"Shocker."

" I will need you to open this one like you did with the last piece."

"Of course you do. What do I get out of all of this? What do I get for helping?"

"Your life. If you didn't do what we asked, I'm sure the Supreme Leader or Hux would have you killed."

"Oh yay, makes me feel right at home on the StarKiller."

* * *

Your trip to Naboo was shorter than you had hoped. Kylo wanted to get back as soon as possible. You went straight to the command center to open the map. Once again, Kylo was upset that it was only a piece of the map. He did question you again if you knew of any other pieces but when you said no, he didn't push any further. You must have gained his trust. It made you happy that he trusted you but you did feel guilty because you knew when he found out the truth, it would only crush him more. It would push him to the dark side even more.

You were walking back to your room when General Hux found you.

"Addison, the Supreme Leader would like to see you."

"Me? Did he say why? Will Kylo be there?"

" Kylo Ren will not be there and he did not specify why he wanted to see you"

You instantly started to sweat. You knew this wasn't a good thing. You figured he found out the truth but you never felt anyone try and enter your mind.

You followed the General. You were in a part of the base that you had never been before.

When you walked into the room, you saw a giant hologram of a man. You weren't sure if he was even a man. He looked more like a creature.

"Supreme Leader Snoke, I have brought the girl" Hux says. Snoke leans forward.

"So this is the girl, I have heard so much about. I can hear you in Kylo's thoughts. I know he thinks he is hiding it well but he is not. What is so special about you to take over my apprentice's thoughts?"

"Nothing, sir. "

"I can see that. I know Kylo Ren has been keeping his feelings at bay but if they get out of hand, I will have you killed. I have put too much work into him to have him pulled back to the light side. "

You could feel Snoke try to enter your mind but you were ready for him. You pushed all your fear of him to the front of your mind while you maintained the wall.

"I see that you are force sensitive. Have you ever been trained?"

"No. I have no interest in the force."

"Good, keep it that way. I don't think you would be much use to the Knight of Ren. I command you to stay away from Kylo Ren"

* * *

It was two in the morning when you knocked on Kylo's door. You didn't have a plan but you knew you had to leave. You knew you were not safe here anymore. Snoke has you under his radar. You need to leave the base but you didn't want to leave Kylo. If you just disappeared, you knew it would hurt Kylo. He would further push the light side away and sink further into the dark side. You had to find the right way to leave. Plus you were being selfish, you were falling for Kylo and you didn't want to leave him. You wished he would go with you.

"What are you doing here so late?" Kylo says as he opens the door.

"Can I come in?" Kylo lets you in.

"Whats going on?"

"I'm scared. I met the Supreme Leader this morning."

"You what?! Why wasn't I informed?"

"I think they didn't want you to know but he basically told me he would have me killed if your feelings got deeper. I don't think I should stay here. I don't know what you are feeling but if you are feeling the same way I am, then I need to go."

"You are right. You need to leave as soon as possible. I was foolish to think the Supreme Leader wouldn't catch onto my feelings. I don't want you to go but I have to keep you safe. I couldn't live with myself, if I was the reason you died."

"You could come with me."

" I can't. That would put you in more danger."

"Why does things have to be so complicated?"

"I know. I will arrange for a transport. Where do you want to go? Actually, don't tell me. If I know, I might try to find you."

You start to cry. Kylo pulls you into a hug.

" I don't want to let you go. I told myself not to get close to you but it was impossible. I was like a moth drawn to a flame. " Kylo says.

" Don't say things like that. It will just make it harder to leave."

Kylo touches his lips to yours. You slowly return the kiss trying to memorize the feeling of his lips on yours. You knew this was the last moment you would ever share. Your kisses start to become rougher. Your hands roam his body trying to remember every last detail. You could tell Kylo was doing the same thing. He was being very slow for him. Typically, he was so eager to get inside of you but today it was like he never wanted to let go. The way he consumed your body with his lips, switching from licking, biting and light kisses.

You were laying on your back when he entered you. His eyes never left yours while he was pumping in and out of you. The feeling was pure bliss. He felt like he was made to be in you. He gave you an amount of pleasure that you never experienced before.

You feel your walls tightening and you let yourself go. Kylo quickens his pace cumming shortly after you.

You both just lay naked in each other arms for an hour.

" You need to go. I am sure the Supreme Leader will not be happy with what happened tonight."

Kylo and you leave his room. He walked you to the hanger and into the ship.

" Are you sure you don't need a pilot?"

"I will be fine. I know how to fly a ship. Well I better get going. The first shift will be coming to work soon."

Kylo takes off his helmet and kisses you passionately.

" I know we will never see each other again but I have to let you know something, Addison. You will always have my heart. It is completely yours. I have never felt this way before. I love you."

You didn't know what to say. You didn't expect that. You lean forward and kiss him.

"I love you Kylo Ren." Before you could finish, Kylo interrupts you.

" You need to go know. General Hux is on his way."

Kylo kisses you quick and walks out the ship.

You turn on the engines. You decide to go to the outer rim. From there will trade this ship and make your way back to the resistance.


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry this one is so short! It is kind of a transition chapter. The next chapter will have a time jump to the events of the movie. Thank you for everyone that reviewed. I didn't expect much when I posted this but I am glad someone is enjoying it! Have a good weekend :)

* * *

You didn't want to go back to the resistance. You knew if you did they would have so many questions for you but most of all they would want to know why you left. You couldn't tell them the truth. If they knew that you fell in love with Kylo Ren, they would never trust you. All you wanted to do was to run away. But you couldn't do that, you were to important to them .

You stopped on the planet, Byss, to trade your ship. You figured it would have some sort of tracking in it. You were worried the First Order would come after you if they knew were you went and you couldn't have them finding the resistance base.

You made a easy trade. You didn't get the best ship but it would do. Your plan was to take this ship to a Takodana. Some of the resistance pilots were known to frequent Maz's castle. You would leave this ship and hitch a ride back with them.

* * *

Before you knew it, you were walking up to Maz's castle. The last time you had been there was with Han and Chewy. You knew Maz was going to yell at you for not stopping by more often. She always seemed to have a soft spot for you.

You walked into the castle looking around for any pilots. When Maz walks over to you and says.

" Is that you? You look different? "

"Hey Maz, it is me. I just changed my look."

"Well you need to switch back to being a brunette. I'm not a fan of the blonde."

"I'll keep that in mind. I have a feeling it will change since I am done with my mission."

"Oh yes, that is right. Poe told me that was why you haven't been around in a while."

" Yeah, I am glad to be done with hiding my true self." You knew this was only slightly true since you would have to hide the truth about the events that happened on the StarKiller Base.

"Sage!" You hear someone yell. It had been forever since you heard that name. When you left Luke and started hiding the pieces of the map, you changed your name to Addison to maintain a cover. You decided to continue using the name when you started your mission on the StarKiller Base.

You see Poe coming towards you with his contagious smile.

"Why are you here?"

"Be quiet. I left my mission. It wasn't safe anymore. I can explain more later but I need you to give me a ride back to the resistance. "

"Are you okay? They didn't hurt you?"

"I'm fine. I left before they got a chance."

"I'm glad you are safe. General Organa probably isn't going to be happy that you didn't finish the mission."

" I know. She has always been tough on me but I'd rather be alive than finish that mission."

* * *

Back on the resistance base, you walked into the command center. Everyone turned around surprised to see you there. General Organa had a disappointed look on her face.

"What happened? Why are you back" she asked.

"I'm sorry but I had to leave. Snoke found me out. He was going to kill me. I wasn't safe anymore. So I came back before we lost everything. If Snoke looked into my mind, he would have found out all of our secrets and I couldn't have that. "

"Very well. We will start debriefing you. What did you learn?"

They ask you all sorts of questions about how the First Order worked. They asked about the weapon and what the Supreme Leader was like.

"Did you ever face Kylo Ren?" someone asked. You hesitated. You couldn't tell them the truth. Plus you just remembered that he was the General's son. You had slept with the General's son and you were in love with him. Talk about awkward.

" That's enough." The General interrupts.

"General, I would like to speak with you in private if you don't mind"

You and the General walk into the room next to the command center.

" General, I know you are aware of the First Order obtaining a piece of the map but they did also retrieve another. Kylo Ren was going to look into my mind. I decided to be forthcoming with the information so he didn't find out anymore about my past and Luke. "

"That is unfortunate but it was a wise decision. How many pieces are there?"

"There is only one more piece left that I had. "

"Well we will have to get it before the First Order gets to it. Where is it?"

" It is with Lor San Tekka."


	15. Chapter 15

Two months of searching and we finally had a lead on Lor San Tekka. He did a great job at hiding himself just like you knew he would when you gave him the map. You knew this would be the hardest piece to find.

The past two months had been a struggle for you. You had missed Kylo. At night, you either had nightmares of him losing control and completely turning to the dark side. Sometime you even had dreams of him killing Han. Other nights, you had good dreams. You dreamed of making love or just relaxing together. You weren't sure what dreams made you more sad. You didn't want to see either of them so most nights you didn't fall asleep until you were too exhausted to stay awake.

You could tell everyone on the base thought you had changed. Poe told you it was to be expected since I had been with the First Order for a year but you still felt judged. Poe had been a great friend to you since you had come back. He was always there for you when you needed him. The General had assigned Poe to help you with finding Lor San Tekka. You were glad to have his help. Plus, it helped that he had his adorable BB-8 droid. You wanted to kidnap it and keep the droid all to yourself. It was a sassy little thing.

You started to use the force again. It will take you a while to get back to your full strength since you had oppressed your powers for so long. You spend every day practicing but you still were not as strong as you once were. You slowly started to feel like your old self when you dyed your hair back to its original color. You had missed being a brunette. You wondered what Kylo would think of you with a different hair color.

* * *

" Are you ready, kid? " Poe asks you while you are orbiting Jakku.

" Don't call me kid. Only one person calls me that! "

" I know. Only Han can call you that."

" Alright, let's do this. I want to be in and out before the First Order shows up."

* * *

Poe and you walk up to the hut and enter.

" Ah, I was wondering how long it would take for you to show up." Lor San Tekka says

" It's been a while. Thank you for keeping the map safe."

"Of course. "

Poe and Lor San Tekka were talking when you felt it. You could feel a disturbance in the force. You weren't sure why.

BB-8 rolls in beeping like crazy.

" No, we have to go now. The First Order is here. They can't get the map." You say.

You and Poe run to your ship. You start to see the Storm Troopers get off their transports.

You jump into his ship.

" Move it, Poe."

" I'm trying." The storm troopers hit one of your engines.

" Well fuck, we aren't going anywhere now." You say.

Poe and you get out of the ship and take out the Storm Troopers surrounding you.

" What is that? Do they really need more troops?" Poe asks.

You look up in the sky. You realize it is Kylo's ship Poe is talking about. You were afraid this was going to happen. If he saw, you with the resistance you knew it wouldn't be good. Or maybe he doesn't love you anymore. It has been a few month since you have have seen each other.

" That's Kylo Ren's ship. I should have figured he would be here."

" Crap, BB-8 you take the map and get out of here. You can move faster than I can. I will come back for you. Sage, you go with BB-8."

" What? I'm a Jedi. I can help."

" No, the First Order doesn't know about you. They only think there is one Jedi. We have to keep you secret until the right moment."

" Right now seems like a good moment."

" Its not. Now go." BB-8 starts rolling away and Poe runs toward the battle.

You stay in your spot hiding behind a boulder. You didn't know what to do. You wanted just one glance at Kylo even if he had that terrible outfit on.

You see Kylo's ship land. You watch him walk out. You couldn't take your eyes off of him. He felt darker and more dangerous. You wondered what happened to him since you left. You didn't know if Kylo could feel your presence or not. You didn't care, all you wanted to do was to run to him and hug him. You could feel his anger rolling off of him.

All of a sudden, Kylo snaps his head towards you. You duck behind the boulder unsure if he saw you or not.

You decide to run. You had a droid to catch up to. That little shit was already out of your sight.

* * *

 **Kylo POV**

Anger was all he could see. It consumed his life ever since Addison left. He wished he didn't let her go but he knew it was for the best. Without her, he devoted every moment of his life to the dark side and his training with Snoke. He was becoming more powerful. He tried to push her out of his mind. Her smile and laugh still haunts his thoughts. Kylo missed the feeling of her crazy thoughts occupying his mind. He still found himself going to her room. Sometimes he would go and just look out her window at the snow or other times he would find himself in her bed trying to smell her sheets for her scent. Kylo would not allow anyone else in her room. He was still in denial that she was gone. He always expected her to be in her room when he showed up. His light was gone and he wasn't okay with that.

Finding a piece of the map wasn't easy without Addison. She always made the trips tolerable. Now he was just stuck with the idiotic Storm Troopers. He had found two more pieces and he just let the last piece slip through his hands.

He didn't expect the resistance to beat him there and the pilot wasn't giving him any information. Kylo decided to look into his mind. The pilot was surprisingly very strong but Kylo always gets what he wants. He was seeing flashes of nonsense and that's when he saw it. He could hear the conversation at first.

" Don't call me kid. Only one person calls me that! "

" I know. Only Han can call you that."

Kylo thought he heard her voice but he figured he was mistaken. Poe's memory jump to him standing in front of the girl telling her to go with the droid. Kylo only got a quick glimpse of her. He wasn't sure if it was his Addison. Her hair was different. It was brunette and cut to her shoulders. Addison had long blonde hair that went all the way down her back but it sounded like her.

"Who is the girl?"

"Don't worry about her" Poe responds.

"Who is she? What's her name?"

"She is a friend. Her name is Sage"

Kylo snaps Poe's head back knocking him out. The whole situation made him more angry. He need to destroy something. This Sage girl wasn't his Addison but she had him unnerved.


	16. Chapter 16

You couldn't find the droid. It was easy to lose it since the planet was a never ending desert. You finally found a town after walking all night. You were worried about Poe. You hoped Kylo went easy on him but Kylo wouldn't be happy since he lost the map. You were angry with yourself. You should have went with Poe but you made your decision.

You looked around the small town for any signs of BB-8. There was a commotion a few tents away from you. You notice a girl fighting with a staff to protect BB-8. That little droid seemed to have replaced you.

You were fixated on the girl. You could feel it. She was force sensitive. There was something about her that told you to help her. You just couldn't place your finger on it.

You notice BB-8 start to beep like crazy and you see the girl run towards another man knocking him to the ground.

You notice Storm Troopers starting to make their way into town. Kylo must have figured out who had the map. You run towards BB-8. You hear the boy tell the girl that the droid has the map to Luke Skywalker.

" How do you know about the map?" You say pulling out your blaster pointing it in his direction.

" I'm with the resistance."

" That's a lie. Come on BB-8 time to go."

" Wait I know you?" Before you could answer, you could hear Tie fighters approaching.

"Run. Is there any ships in the area?" You ask the girl.

" Yes, follow me."

Everyone started running trying to not get hit by the fighters blaster fire.

You werent paying much attention to the boy and the girl. You were focused on getting in a ship with BB-8. You almost stop running when you notice the Millennium Falcon. You hadn't seen the ship in years. You didn't realize Han was on Jakku. Stepping into the ship you expected him and Chewy to be there but they weren't. The girl pilots the ship while the boy handles the blaster. You sit back trying to figure out how the ship got there without Han.

You watch the girl pilot the ship with amazing skills. You could tell she didn't know she was force sensitive but she was strong. They had just managed to destroy the last Tie fighter when you felt it. You didn't expect it but you felt the awakening in the force just like Luke told you would happen. This girl was what Luke was waiting for. You didn't know what made her so special but Luke knew this moment would come.

The ship was in orbiting Jakku when the introductions were made. The girls name was Rey and the boys was Finn.

" And who are you?" Rey asks

" Sage. I'm with the resistance."

" Impossible, you worked for the First Order!" Finn yells.

" Oh and how would you know that working for the Resistance."

Rey looks confused. Not sure who to believe.

You were pretty sure this Finn guy worked for the First Order but at the same time, you didn't know everything that was going on with the resistance. You decide to keep your mouth shut and see where things go.

All of a sudden, your ship stops.

" Someone has locked onto us."

"Is it the First Order?"

You hear Rey and Finn bickering.

You were being brought into a ship. You knew it wasn't the First Order. If it was you would have been able to feel Kylo's presence.

Rey and Finn want to hide but you assure them there is no need to.

" Why should we trust you?" Finn asks.

"Because I'll be able to protect you and this isn't a First Order ship that took us."

" it's not like you are a Jedi or something. You won't be able to protect us."

You hear the ships doors open. You see Han and Chewy walk around the corner of the ship.

"Kid, how did you get my ship?" Han says.

You run over and give him a big hug.

"Did you miss me or something?" He says.

" Yes! It has been too long. I feel like I barely know you anymore."

" Nothing has changed. Same old work. Who are they?"

" This is Rey and Finn. The droid is BB-8."

" Interesting. So why do you have my ship?"

" Long story"

Rey starts to explain that the droid has a piece of the map and we are heading back to the resistance.

You feel a surge of anger so strong that you almost faint. You knew it was Kylo. He was still close enough to effect you. You don't know what set him off but his anger felt so strong.

You tell everyone that you need to meditate for the moment. You were not able to function with all of his anger flowing through you.

While meditating you ended up falling asleep from being exhausted from not sleeping for the past few days. You were woken by the ship jumping into hyperspace. You make your way up to Han.

" Whys going on? Where are we going?"

" We are going to see Maz."


	17. Chapter 17

I am so sorry this took so long! I haven't had any free time. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

You were still feeling unsettled when you arrived at Maz's castle. You had a bad feeling. It was something you couldn't brush off. You opted to stay with the falcon to try and calm your nerves.

It had been an hour when you heard the Tie Fighters. You figured they wouldn't be too far behind. You knew how efficient the First Order was. You weren't sure what was taking Han so long. You wanted to get off this planet. You didn't want to end up back with the first order. You grab a blaster leaving the falcon. You figure you should probably try and help your friends.

The scene in front of you wasn't a pretty one. Maz's castle was destroyed and storm troopers were over running it. You run towards the fight firing off your blaster killing as many storm troopers as you can. You notice Kylo's ship. You knew he was here somewhere. You make a mental note to avoid him at all costs.

You see Han struggling to fight off the storm troopers. You run over to help him when a tie fighter blaster fire hits the structure next to you. A piece of it hits you in the head and everything goes black.

* * *

You start to slowly come to your senses when you realize you are strapped to a chair. You knew you should have stayed on the falcon. You look up to see a storm trooper. You realize you are back in the hands of the first order. The one thing you didn't want. You were just glad Kylo wasn't here yet.

" Why am I here ?" You ask

" You have information on the map. We need it. Tell us what we need to know and this won't get violent.

"Nah, I'm good. "

" I don't think you understand. Not telling us is not an option." The storm trooper back hands you across the face.

" I don't know anything about the map."

"Liar!" He punches you in the gut. This goes on for another 10 minutes. You figured you looked like shit. You could feel that your lip was split and you had a black eye. You weren't giving up the map. This was the last piece they needed.

" Suit yourself. Commander Ren will get it out of you."

The trooper leaves the room. You didn't know what to do. You were going to face Kylo. You were unsure how he would react.

Maybe he wouldn't recognize me? My hair is different and my face is all fucked up from the beating the trooper gave me. Who am i kidding ? The moment he looks into my mind he will figure it out. You thought.

You knew you were strong enough to keep him out but you were going to be emotional seeing him for the first time. You might be compromised. You were dreading seeing the look and feeling of betrayal from him. He was going to be crushed. You didn't know if his love for you would be able enough for him to not hurt you.

You started to fall asleep when you heard the door open. You kept your head down hoping your hair would cover your face.

You knew it was him when you saw his black boots and heard his mechanical breathing.

" What is your name ?" He asks.

You don't say anything. You were afraid the sounds of your voice would give you away.

" I told them to grab the girl. I meant the other one but they found you as well. I was just going to have you killed but I figured I should see if you know anything of importance. If you help me, I'll help you. So let me ask you name again."

You remain silent.

" Look at me." He said

You don't move. You didn't know what to do.

" I'll remove the helmet if that helps." You hear a click and the helmet hits the floor.

Shit, that's way worse! At least with the helmet on you couldn't see his face.

All you wanted to do was look at him. It had been so long since you saw his face.

Kylo puts his hand under you chin and pulls your head up so you would look him in the eye.

You stopped yourself from crying. You didn't want to look weak.

Your eyes connect with his. You notice the look of recognition on his face. He takes a step away from you. He looked shocked and hurt.

" Who are you?" He asks.

" My name is Sage. I'm with the resistance."

" Do you have a sister?" He must be in denial. He didn't want to believe it was you.

" I have no family by blood. Why?"

" You look like someone I know."

You start to cry.

" Why are you crying ?"

" Do you really not realize who I am?"

" No, I don't know anyone by your name. " He such a foolish boy you thought. You had to tell him the truth. It was going to kill you to say it since you knew it would break him but you could tell he was already far gone. He wasn't the same Kylo you left. He was darker. If you told him he truth, maybe it'll help bring back some light.

"Addison? You know some by that name." You saw fire in his eyes.

" How do you know that name?" He starts to force choke hold you. He looked wild. You thought he was going to kill you before you could even tell him the truth. Snoke really made him delusional. He didn't even recognize you!

"Answer me!" He lets you go.

" My real name is Sage but you knew me as Addison. I was a spy for the resistance. I was here to gather information on the weapon you were building. I never did complete my mission. I had to leave because I fell in love with you."

You look up at Kylo. You couldn't place the look on his face. He starts to walk over to you. You were sure he was going to kill you. It was the ultimate betrayal.


	18. Chapter 18

Sorry it is short! I managed to delete like half of the

chapter. So I posted what I had since I didnt want to keep you guys waiting!

* * *

In three long strides he was inches away from you. His eyes were wild and his breathing was heavy. His eyes were searching your face. He still didn't believe you.

" You are a lair. "

" You are in denial. Look into my mind and see or are you too afraid of the truth." You challenged him. He puts his hand out and you feel the familiar tug. You push forward the memory of when you first met, the day that you brought him the PB & J. You make your mind go to the memory of when you told him about your past.

Kylo lowers his hand. He looked defeated. You knew he was struggling. He leaves the room. You hear him take out his light saber taking out his anger on the wall. His screams sounded like he was in pain. You knew you hurt him. You felt your tears roll down your face. He still didn't know the whole truth. If he found out about you being a Jedi, then you would be dead.

Kylo charges back in the room and slides the door shut behind him. He was on a mission. His eyes were dead set on you. It was almost sexy how he was walking towards you. He wasn't saying anything. You figured he was going to pull out his saber and kill you but you were wrong. Instead he leaned down and roughly kissed you. It took you a moment to respond to the kiss. You were shocked. You didn't see this happening. He kisses felt desperate like it was the last time he would touch you. You responded with the same hunger. It felt like pure bliss to have him the close to you. His lips moved from your lips to your neck. He undid your constraints. You instantly move your hands around his neck.

"Fuck, I have missed you. I don't have much

time. I have to see the Supreme Leader. " he says.

" Shut up." You pull him back down to your lips.

" I shouldn't be doing this." He says

" Neither should I but it feels so right." You respond.

He slams his hips into yours. Trying to get you as close as possible. He quickly takes off your pants and underwear. Picking you up so your legs are wrapped around his waist. He pins you against the wall. He somehow manages to get his pants off. He roughly plunges into you. The moment he is inside of you, you are already seeing stars. You had missed this feeling. He fit perfect inside of you. You didn't think another man could make you feel this way.

He moves quickly. Fucking you hard and fast. You find your orgasm quickly. Kylo gets off shorty after you. He lets you down and walks away from you.

You think that maybe he has come back to his senses and will kill you.

" Stay with me." He says

"What?!" You think you must have misheard him.

" I want you to stay with me. I'll overlook that you are with the resistance if you leave them and stay with me. I love you."

" It wouldn't work. I don't agree with the first order. You want to kill my friends and family."

" Fine. Tell me who I can't kill and I won't do it."

"Han. You can't kill him. He is like a father. He saved me."

" No, it is too late for him!" He yells at you.

" See it would never work! We could just leave and go somewhere that no one would find us. Forget the war."

" Snoke will find me."

A storm trooper walks in.

" Commander, the girl has escaped."

" Impossible"

Kylo turns to leave but walks towards you. He kisses you.

" Please, stay." He says and walks out the door closing it behind him.

You knew you couldn't stay. You had to help Rey. Kylo wasn't going to be happy.


	19. Chapter 19

I am so sorry! Things got crazy but here is the last chapter. I will be posting a sequel at some point. Please let me know if you like this or not.

* * *

You were out of breath from running down the hallways trying to find Rey but you couldn't find the damn girl anywhere. You ended up going in circles.

 _I am going to be no help to Rey if I can even find her! I am so useless sometimes._

A part of you wished you had stayed in the room and waited for Kylo to come back. It would have been the easy choice but you had to help your friends. Kylo wasn't going to be happy with you but you knew that last kiss was going to be your last. You really wished things could be different. You knew Kylo had to realize that you were not going to stay. You hate to rip his heart out like this but you couldn't live with yourself if you stayed with him. The First Order was everything you hated.

Shaking your thoughts away, you finally noticed that you found an new area.

 _Yay me for finally find a new part of this ship!_

It was an large open area with a small bridge that connected both sides of the room. You saw Han making his way towards the middle of the bridge. He looks over to you and gives you a look to tell you to stay out of this. Then you notice Kyle making his way to meet him. You move closer to hear what they are saying.

 _I really hope Kylo listens to me. If he kills Han, I will never be able to look at him again._ _Why the hell don't they speak up?_

The conversation looks like it is going the right direction. You see Kylo hand over his lightsaber to Han. You could feel the emotions just rolling off of Kylo. Then all of a sudden you feel his anger return to him.

 _Shit, this is going to be bad._

Without thinking, you use the force to push Han away from Kylo. Kylo managed to hit Han's side pretty good but you pushed him to the other side of the bridge. You hear Chewy roar and you see him shot and hit Kylo.

You see Kylo whip his head in your direction. His eyes land on you and you feel like you cannot breathe. This was the last thing you wanted. You didn't know what would happen next. He looked at you with such hurt and confusion. You could feel his emotions hit you like brick wall. He couldn't control himself. He was projecting his emotions so much. At first you felt rage then hurt then back to anger.

 _This isnt going to be good. I am so dead. I can't fight him off. I haven't used the force in so long. I am surprised I managed to move Han away from Kylo._

"YOU! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?" Kylo yelled at you while making his way towards you. You flinch and you feel your stomach turn into a pit of nerves. You were scared.

"I'm sorry but I asked you to not kill him. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Explain yourself." He was right in front of you now.

" Please don't hate me. Han is like a father to me. He saved me all those years ago. I couldn't bare to lose him."

"He is not father. He isn't worthy of your love."

"Kylo, please just listen to me."

"Enough. Are you a jedi? Why didn't I ever notice it before? I should have sensed you"

"Yes, your Uncle taught me. Once he taught me, he gave me pieces of the map to hide away. Thats why I knew so much about it. He taught me how to mask my powers so people couldn't sense them. "

"Did you ever even love me?"

"Yes, I still do."

"Don't lie to me." He yells and pulls out his lightsaber.

 _This was a terrible idea. I don't have my lightsaber._

Kylo takes a swing at you and you duck . You keep ducking and running away from his advances.

"Kid, catch." You look over to Han and you see him toss your lightsaber in the air. You used the force to get it in your hand. Kylo looks murderous. If looks could kill, you would be dead.

You turn your lightsaber on. Your lightsaber was purple and it was double sided. You could break it into two pieces if need be.

"Kylo, stop. I don't want to do this."

"Don't talk to me. You words are poison."

Kylo moves to strike you and you block it. You play defense while he keeps making advances. You didn't want to hurt him but you didn't know how much longer you could keep this up. He was relentless.

You feel the ground shake causing you to fall down. You look up to see a crack in the ship between you and Kylo.

"This is not over! You are as good as dead. I will find you and I will kill you." Kylo yells at you. He turns away from you and he leaves to find Rey.

You get up knowing you need to help her. You look over to Han and see that Chewy is with him.

" Go kid, I am fine. Get yourself out of here. " Han tells you.

You run outside trying to find Rey but by the time you found a way out, you notice that the planet was falling apart. You were torn. You knew you should help Rey but with Kylos death threat still fresh in your mind. You turned back around and went to find a ship to get out of here.

You knew you would be more help to Rey in the future but right now, you needed to think about your survival. So you ran.

Lucky for you, there was a TIE fighter ready to go right by the entrance of the hanger. No doubt someone else had prepared it for themself but you didn't care. You jumped in the fighter and took off. As you were flying away from the base, you willed yourself to not think about the events that were going on below. You didn't want to think about everyone you were leaving behind but in the back of your mind you hoped they would be okay.

Once out of the planets orbit, you went into hyperdrive.


	20. Note

Thank you to everyone who liked this story. It means the world to me. I posted the first chapter of the sequel. The sequel is called Unmasked. I hope you enjoy it.


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